Friday, March 30, 2012

Confessions of a Busy Grad Student

It's time to get real. I have fallen off the workout horse in a BIG* way. The month of March has been quite a stressful one and I haven't been able to recover from anything very quickly or very well. Therefore I have found myself resorting to leaning on "the bad foods" for comfort and it has certainly affected my weight loss. This month I have lost and gained the same two pounds over and over. I need to find a way to get out of the cycle that I am in. I stop and see it and it makes me want to STOP IT.

I have to learn to control myself when I am with other people. I do fine eating on my own AT HOME, but once I get out and with others I find that I fall victim to old habits with seemingly no way to get out, except to stop going out with other people. As a rather social person, I know that that is not the answer in any way. So, I keep wondering what to do.

I've really struggled with getting to church this year and I have mainly blamed it on the fact that Sunday is the only day that I really get to sleep in. I shouldn't be making excuses, but that does play a large role in why I don't get to church 9 times out of 10. I'm starting to see that it is making me more senical and less understanding at times. In ways, I've lost touch with who I am in Christ thinking that, once again, I can do everything on my own and I don't need to lean on anyone in order to get where God is taking me. That is always, ALWAYS the lie that I fall for. Any time I struggle.

 "I've got this, I don't need any help."

I'm writing this because I DO need help. I need prayers and I need encouragement. The Lord meant for us to surround ourselves with people whom we love and who love us. You guys are all such a great help to me. I need to get moving again, I need to start caring again. I've got goals, and I want those goals to be aligned with whatever God has planned for me in the next few days, months, years.

A friend told me today... "Some months are like that!! Shake off the dust, cut your losses, and start kicking butt and taking names again ;)"Thanks Daysha! And she couldn't be more right. I have strayed from my goals but that doesn't mean that I have to start kicking my own butt. People fall sometimes, gotta get back up. "We lose our way, we get back up again. It's never too late to get back up again."

I have to stop letting the little things get to me all the time. I've gotta find the "Marisa Rhythm" again. I know that it is out there, I've just gotta know where to start looking for it.

Thanks for all your support!

Monday, February 6, 2012

A Teacher's Life for Me

There are so many wonderful things going on in my life these days. I am not sure that I know where to start!

I'm in my second semester of the Reading Program at Harding, which will allow me to get a job as a Reading Specialist if I so choose, when I graduate. I don't know yet if, "I so choose," but I do know that I am learning a lot. At the beginning of the semester I felt very, VERY overwhelmed but that feeling has subsided somewhat and I am monitoring and adjusting when it comes to just about everything.

It is about time to start looking for jobs and that is a very scary thought. I can NOT wait to have my own classroom but at the same time, I am so nervous about such a huge prospect. I second guess myself a lot wondering if I'm ready for this. Do I know even half of what I need to know in order to teach students that I get blessed with. I pray every day that I will be the kind of teacher that every kid wants to have. Not because I give the easy way out, but because I engage my students and allow them to choose in my classroom. 

As you know, I have been trying to regulate my eating habits which has caused some health related hurtles, so to speak. Each day I wake up and I have to convince myself that what I am doing is worth the battle, worth making the change, worth the pain. My biggest struggle with the life change of eating right and exercising regularly is getting up in the morning to work out. I am not much of a morning person, not to say that I am mean or anything like that, but I would much, MUCH rather stay in bed in the morning then get out.

*Confession, I'll find any way NOT to get out of the bed in the morning.*

That does not mean, by any stretch that I do not sometimes have very valid reasons to not get out of bed, but most mornings I'm fully capable though much less willing. So, if anyone is reading this... pray about that. I had a friend tell me that it is all about faith. I have to have faith that all this change is what God wants for me. That is something that I have got to remind myself every single stinking morning.

As of my last weigh in, which was last Wednesday (Feb. 1) I had lost six lbs. in the last two weeks. This week, I'm hoping for similar results as the two weeks prior. My brother was in town this weekend, so I had a little more pop than I am used to. I just need to get to the gym to counteract the pop/video game laziness/junkie foods.

So that, in short, is what is going on in my life these days. Its an exciting time! Thanks for your prayers! I appreciate them very much!
-in Christ,
 ~Marisa Lynn

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Here's the sitch...
(catch the vague reference?)

2011 ended very anticlimactically. The year in general wasn't that great or at least to be fair it wasn't exactly spectacular. Sure, I made some great memories with some great friends and maybe that in itself, I suppose, should be enough to call a year spectacular. Right?

Something I constantly struggle with is the fact that I haven't had a relationship, by that I mean a boyfriend, in  over five years. The pain and emotional strain that comes with that sometimes is a lot to bare. I will be in a particularly down moment and turn on the radio and I'll hear this...

"You must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through. Forgive me if I'm wrong but this looks like more than I can do on my own. I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up, I'm not strong enough. Hands of mercy won't you cover me? Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough for the both of us."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not constantly wandering around wondering why God hasn't sent the right guy into my life yet but I would by lying if I said that there weren't times that it bothers me or gets the best of me. Thankfully God has blessed me with some GREAT friends that I do not deserve. 

Some of which are miles and miles away. 

This picture seems to pop up in so many blogs that I post, but I love these ladies and I miss them very much. Thankfully I talk to them pretty regularly. I just wish that it was easier to see them more often. Graduating is hard.

I'm very thankful that I have some great people right here with me for my remaining time in Searcy. You guys are amazing and without you, I'd certainly be a depressed mess! 

 Shout to the Burley Family and Spencer for making my 25th birthday one to remember! :D

Then there are wonderful people in NWA that I look forward to re-connecting with a building relationships with as well as making NEW connections at whatever school God puts me in!

Hoping to see these three peps more once I move!

Bonus, I'll get to see more of these people!

And thinking maybe I'll be bumping into these fellas!

So, all that to prove to myself that I am incredibly blessed. I know that 2012 is going to be so different from any other year in my life so far. I can't wait to see what is in store!