Saturday, February 9, 2013

Here I am... again.

*Disclaimer: If you're here, please read. I just want to know you've got my back*

I have recently discovered, and by recently I mean today, that I have been in the same rut for almost two years. Breaker breaker, did you catch that? TWO YEARS! Looking back at old posts I have realized that one thing has been missing from all of these "Its time to make a change" posts. What has been missing you ask? 


Somewhere along this journey that is my life, I fell off the path. Or perhaps I followed the path exactly where I was meant to and I just haven't realized that yet. I will admit that I did NOT expect to be where I am today, pretty much in every sense of the phrase. I would have never thought that I would choose to move back to my hometown. To top it off, I would not have thought that I would work at the very school I graduated from. Then comes the zinger... I live in the very house I grew up in. 

Now don't get me wrong, all of these things have been a HUGE blessing in their own way, just not what I pictured. 

I have to stop looking over my shoulder longing for the past. I have to stop gazing into the future eagerly waiting for tomorrow to arrive, for the next big thing to role on through. There are so many ways for me to impact people I love here, right now. There are so many ways that God has been begging me to let him work through me and I have been turning a deaf ear thinking, "This is not what I imagined, why?"

I am so blessed to have so SO many people who believe in me without thinking twice about it. Just thinking about it makes me want to stop and say, Thank You. 

Which brings me to this quote:

“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” 
― Alan Cohen

Which beings me back to this...


I am going to be trying a Facebook Fast to try to help me find my action and passion. We are so connected through social networking that we forget to talk to those we care about on the phone or see them. I think that is part of my problem. I'm too connected. In this world we live in, it is hard to completely unplug. So, for now I'm just "unplugging" Facebook. I will be deleting the app from my phone and Ipad and the bookmark on my computer. If you want to TALK to me, send me a text or call me! *gasp* 

I pray that this is a step to helping me find my PASSION again and turn that into ACTION. Will you pray with me?

Starting Monday Morning I'll step away from FB for a while. I don't know how long I'll be away, but you have my number. You guys are truly a gift.

-Marisa Lynn

Friday, March 30, 2012

Confessions of a Busy Grad Student

It's time to get real. I have fallen off the workout horse in a BIG* way. The month of March has been quite a stressful one and I haven't been able to recover from anything very quickly or very well. Therefore I have found myself resorting to leaning on "the bad foods" for comfort and it has certainly affected my weight loss. This month I have lost and gained the same two pounds over and over. I need to find a way to get out of the cycle that I am in. I stop and see it and it makes me want to STOP IT.

I have to learn to control myself when I am with other people. I do fine eating on my own AT HOME, but once I get out and with others I find that I fall victim to old habits with seemingly no way to get out, except to stop going out with other people. As a rather social person, I know that that is not the answer in any way. So, I keep wondering what to do.

I've really struggled with getting to church this year and I have mainly blamed it on the fact that Sunday is the only day that I really get to sleep in. I shouldn't be making excuses, but that does play a large role in why I don't get to church 9 times out of 10. I'm starting to see that it is making me more senical and less understanding at times. In ways, I've lost touch with who I am in Christ thinking that, once again, I can do everything on my own and I don't need to lean on anyone in order to get where God is taking me. That is always, ALWAYS the lie that I fall for. Any time I struggle.

 "I've got this, I don't need any help."

I'm writing this because I DO need help. I need prayers and I need encouragement. The Lord meant for us to surround ourselves with people whom we love and who love us. You guys are all such a great help to me. I need to get moving again, I need to start caring again. I've got goals, and I want those goals to be aligned with whatever God has planned for me in the next few days, months, years.

A friend told me today... "Some months are like that!! Shake off the dust, cut your losses, and start kicking butt and taking names again ;)"Thanks Daysha! And she couldn't be more right. I have strayed from my goals but that doesn't mean that I have to start kicking my own butt. People fall sometimes, gotta get back up. "We lose our way, we get back up again. It's never too late to get back up again."

I have to stop letting the little things get to me all the time. I've gotta find the "Marisa Rhythm" again. I know that it is out there, I've just gotta know where to start looking for it.

Thanks for all your support!

Monday, February 6, 2012

A Teacher's Life for Me

There are so many wonderful things going on in my life these days. I am not sure that I know where to start!

I'm in my second semester of the Reading Program at Harding, which will allow me to get a job as a Reading Specialist if I so choose, when I graduate. I don't know yet if, "I so choose," but I do know that I am learning a lot. At the beginning of the semester I felt very, VERY overwhelmed but that feeling has subsided somewhat and I am monitoring and adjusting when it comes to just about everything.

It is about time to start looking for jobs and that is a very scary thought. I can NOT wait to have my own classroom but at the same time, I am so nervous about such a huge prospect. I second guess myself a lot wondering if I'm ready for this. Do I know even half of what I need to know in order to teach students that I get blessed with. I pray every day that I will be the kind of teacher that every kid wants to have. Not because I give the easy way out, but because I engage my students and allow them to choose in my classroom. 

As you know, I have been trying to regulate my eating habits which has caused some health related hurtles, so to speak. Each day I wake up and I have to convince myself that what I am doing is worth the battle, worth making the change, worth the pain. My biggest struggle with the life change of eating right and exercising regularly is getting up in the morning to work out. I am not much of a morning person, not to say that I am mean or anything like that, but I would much, MUCH rather stay in bed in the morning then get out.

*Confession, I'll find any way NOT to get out of the bed in the morning.*

That does not mean, by any stretch that I do not sometimes have very valid reasons to not get out of bed, but most mornings I'm fully capable though much less willing. So, if anyone is reading this... pray about that. I had a friend tell me that it is all about faith. I have to have faith that all this change is what God wants for me. That is something that I have got to remind myself every single stinking morning.

As of my last weigh in, which was last Wednesday (Feb. 1) I had lost six lbs. in the last two weeks. This week, I'm hoping for similar results as the two weeks prior. My brother was in town this weekend, so I had a little more pop than I am used to. I just need to get to the gym to counteract the pop/video game laziness/junkie foods.

So that, in short, is what is going on in my life these days. Its an exciting time! Thanks for your prayers! I appreciate them very much!
-in Christ,
 ~Marisa Lynn

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Here's the sitch...
(catch the vague reference?)

2011 ended very anticlimactically. The year in general wasn't that great or at least to be fair it wasn't exactly spectacular. Sure, I made some great memories with some great friends and maybe that in itself, I suppose, should be enough to call a year spectacular. Right?

Something I constantly struggle with is the fact that I haven't had a relationship, by that I mean a boyfriend, in  over five years. The pain and emotional strain that comes with that sometimes is a lot to bare. I will be in a particularly down moment and turn on the radio and I'll hear this...

"You must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through. Forgive me if I'm wrong but this looks like more than I can do on my own. I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up, I'm not strong enough. Hands of mercy won't you cover me? Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough for the both of us."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not constantly wandering around wondering why God hasn't sent the right guy into my life yet but I would by lying if I said that there weren't times that it bothers me or gets the best of me. Thankfully God has blessed me with some GREAT friends that I do not deserve. 

Some of which are miles and miles away. 

This picture seems to pop up in so many blogs that I post, but I love these ladies and I miss them very much. Thankfully I talk to them pretty regularly. I just wish that it was easier to see them more often. Graduating is hard.

I'm very thankful that I have some great people right here with me for my remaining time in Searcy. You guys are amazing and without you, I'd certainly be a depressed mess! 

 Shout to the Burley Family and Spencer for making my 25th birthday one to remember! :D

Then there are wonderful people in NWA that I look forward to re-connecting with a building relationships with as well as making NEW connections at whatever school God puts me in!

Hoping to see these three peps more once I move!

Bonus, I'll get to see more of these people!

And thinking maybe I'll be bumping into these fellas!

So, all that to prove to myself that I am incredibly blessed. I know that 2012 is going to be so different from any other year in my life so far. I can't wait to see what is in store!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

God is SO good!

"Days they force you back under those covers. Lazy mornings they multiply, but glory's waiting outside your window so wake on up from your slumber. Baby, open up your eyes"  --NeedtoBreathe

Well, here we are. It has been one month. I knew going into this lifestyle change that it was going to be hard but at the same time, at first it seemed so easy. As I rounded the corner of the second week, Thanksgiving stared me in the face. I was not prepared. I did not go crazy, but I lost focus. I visited home for the holiday and there my eating patterns are completely eratic, to say the least. I never eat three meals a day, shoot I sleep till 10 and stay up until 1 when I'm at my parents'... too much good company! I still kept track of all of the food that I was eating, but I was lucky to eat two actual meals a day, all three days I was there. Now, do not think that I didn't eat...I did. I snacked. Granted I was eating all the time, but when I'm at my place, I had rarely been snacking. Then, I go to a wonderful place where chips, goodies, and chocolate abound... yes please. (minus the chocolate, mostly) On Thanksgiving I ate ham, I love ham. I ate potatoes. I love potatoes. I LOVED being at home and I can't wait to be there again for Christmas. Can not wait.  

I'm excited to be moving back there in May. I will have my OWN place at that point in NWA, no more bunking at the parentals for holidays. 

So, Thanksgiving wasn't a food travisty but I fell out habits. Came home and what I saw discouraged me. I had gained back a few of the pounds that I had lost. That Saturday, I was so frustrated and I felt like such a failure. So, I turned to the people who I knew would kick my butt, tell me to move on and not give up. So, thats what I did. I moved on. Still haven't given up.

To date, I have lost 8 pounds! I'll attatch a picture from earlier this fall and one from today. My face looks thinner. Looking in the mirror every day, I haven't seen it. Then I looked at the picture. It isn't DRAMTIC, but its there. Jenn pointed it out the other day at the gym and I thought she was being nice. Trying to lift me up, which it DEFINITELY did but I couldn't see the change . Now, I see some change. :) Makes me want to go to the gym right now. haha! Too bad I'm at work!

The weight watchers points plus system has been awesome. I can't wait to go to an actual meeting in January and see what that holds. I'm excited!

I am continuing to struggle with this being such a BIG goal to accomplish, but I know that you are all praying for me. It keeps me going. I pray that by Jan. of 2014 I will be the healthiest I have ever been. So much so, you might not recognize me! The end goal keeps me go. The small victories keep me going. The way I feel after a workout keeps me going. The encouragement that I get from all of you keeps me going. God keeps me going.

Thank you! From the bottom of my heart.

Here is a picture from earlier on the semester! I think I can see a difference. Go look at the peppermint picture, is it just me or is my face thinner in that one!?

I think my face has slimmed down!
Another angle

"Wake on up from your slumber Baby, open up your eyes. Come on Sing like we used to, Dance when you want to"

Friday, November 18, 2011

One Week Later

Well, so far I'm still alive. Trying to change the way I eat and exercise hasn't killed me yet! I figure it won't. :)

The week has been full of challenges and disappointments but it has also come with some accomplishments! So let's kick this post off with the positive.

I started working out last Thursday evening. Today is Friday, so I have been working on this lifestyle change for only 9 days now. I have worked out 5 of those 9 days. I am thinking for someone like me that is pretty dern tootin' good! Since I got my scale on Monday I have lost 1.6 lbs, so I'm almost to my 2lb goal for the week! Hoping by Sunday it has melted away along with a few more pounds maybe! :D Wishful thinking! I also started the PointsPlus System with Weight Watchers and plan to go to meetings once a week. I'm doing this with a lady from church that I look up to and adore so much, Pam Stephenson. She talked me into it! I just started my daily points yesterday. So today, Friday, is only day two counting "points" and not "calories."
So to highlight the positive I have:

1. Worked out 5 of 9 days and plan to work out tonight making it 6 of 9!
2. Have lost 1.6 lbs so far. Baby steps, but they are steps.
3.Started Weight Watchers

All within the first week! YAY!!

Now onto some of the tough times this week. Did ok the first few days. Went out and bought a lot of fruits and veggies and I've actually been enjoying eating those as opposed to junky junk! But on Sunday I had a little trip up and ordered pizza. I felt so bad after but I decided, with the help of some friends, that I had to let that failure go and keep on truckin'. Can't let it get me down. On Monday my scale came in! I was so excited until I stepped onto it. I basically burst into tears cause I weighed more than I thought. My long term goals seemed to fall apart before my eyes. I couldn't see how this was all possible but I decided then, those numbers would not go ANY higher. This will be my last "fat" November of my life and THAT thought excited me. With the help of a friend's phone call Monday night after the weighing I kicked my butt out the door and on to the gym. I have done my best to leave that number I saw Monday out of my head except when I'm weighing. If I go down even just a .1lb, I have succeeded that day. And if I haven't... it's one day. Tomorrow, I try again.

Thank you for all of the support and prayers. I don't know how often I'll give an update. It'll depend on the mood. I'm excited about weight watchers and I know that it is going to help me with the lifestyle change that I am looking to be a forever change.

You guys are awesome! Whether you are praying, calling, sending me texts, writing on my FB wall, a workout buddy, or whatever... I am SOOOOO incredibly thankful for you!

-in Christ,
 ~Marisa Lynn

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Time Is Now: Improving life- one step, one breath, one second at a time

Most of you who will look through this blog, already know that yesterday I made a big decision.

I'm getting serious about my health. I've got a lot of goals that I would like to meet, and I have outlined those goals in smaller steps. I can't take everything on at once. I know that. So, I'm starting small. But first, take a look at the list:

-1.healthier eating (mostly cut out red meat, sugars, and bad carbs)--I do not want to deprive myself of these great things, but they need to be regulated
--I plan to keep a food journal of EVERY thing that goes into my mouth

2.Keep track of the weight loss and measurement loss

3.Workout Six days a week
--Build up to this, I want to start out with three and one day of swimming.
---no pain, no gain (or loss in this case.)

4.Establish a routine sleeping habit
--of course their will be exceptions, but generally speaking, waking up and going to bed at the same time every night.

Healthier Eating
-I'm starting with breakfast. This inspiration all started with this blogger girl. ( You should go over to her website. It's an amazing testament to what we can do if we decide to do it. So, I'm deciding. I got all of my breakfast ideas from Taralynn (blogger girl) The following is my breakfast schedule for next week and depending on how much I like each day, maybe a good habitual breakfast schedule, but one thing at a time.

Keeping Track
I bought a scale and body measuring tape yesterday. Hoping that by the middle of next week, I will know my measurements and weight.

Working Out

Everything that I am doing is going to be challenge. This might be the biggest one (though, I do love food). The problem here is going to be the pain. I am a big girl, so unfortunately the smallest exercise tasks hurt sometimes. I don't want to hurt myself but I am going to push myself. I have to learn the difference in those two kinds of pain. The following is a workout schedule (to start next week, Nov.14-Nov.20)

I'm done saying that I will start tomorrow. Because tomorrow continues to be tomorrow. It never becomes today. So, I started yesterday. I went to bed last night at eleven. Now, my target time is going to be 10:30. So, I've started. I think that this will be the easiest of my goals to reach.

I need/want/have to lose weight. I've always known I (needed) to but over the last month and a half I'm realizing that I have to, if I want to live past my 50s and not get diabetes and have some kind of heart condition. And the time is now.

My goal is to lose 3.5 lbs a week. I know that initially it will come off more quickly then tapper off. I know that this is a healthy goal and that over time, I will see results.

Jesus.Patience. Strength. Endurance. Faith. Hope. Wisdom. Love. Want.

These are all things I must posses in order to succeed.

Love you all,
--Marisa Lynn