Lessons Can Be a Tough Reality

 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. -Matthew 7:2-5

How often do we approach those we love with this attitude? I know sometimes I am so quick to correct my brother or sister all the while I've got this huge problem in my life that is so big that I am blinded by. I have done a lot of figuring out who I am over the past seven months or so and I'm learning a lot. 


Lesson #1: There may be a plank in my eye, but I can't take it out by myself. I am very flawed. I judge people at the drop of the hat. I can't say why i do this because I really don't know. Not to give an excuse but I think I do it partly because I fear people judge me, so I just jump the gun. But, I have learned that I can't fix this aspect of myself by myself. I've got to reach out! God has been helping me work through this and he has given me people who can gently help remove this particular plank.


Lesson #2: There sometimes is more than one plank. This stinks! But its so true! I wish it wasn't. But we've got to walk through it together. There is no other way. We can not lean on our own understanding of how to help fix it though. We have got to look to our Father, Our Savior, Our Creator, Friend, Counselor, Comforter, Keeper, Redeemer, Brother, Love, Best Friend... Jesus! He understands! And one by one he'll get those planks out!


Lesson #3: Once the plank is out of your own eye, helping your brother/sister with the sawdust in their eye is so much easier. God has got it under control. He will use, with plank or without. He works however he wants! But he asks us to a little self evaluation before we go pointing out people's flaws. I've got to remember this so often!

I may not be the most thought provoking writer, but I don't necessarily write to provoke thought. My thoughts are provoked the minute I start writing. -Marisa Lynn

Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me

I have learned a thing or two about the kind of relationship I want in a husband just from living with a various array of people throughout my time in college. Throughout this post I will accompany my hopes with quotes.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend."

I am an independent person. Relying on people has never been a strong point of mine, mainly because when I have my life seemed to get out of control. I lost control. So, sadly I'm very guarded because I don't like the feeling of losing control, at least not to another human being. One day, maybe. I wouldn't say that I'm not a leader but I may not always be the person to follow either. I have learned that I want someone in my life that will live this life with me, walking strongly, bravely, spiritually and sometimes quietly beside me. I want that man to be my very best friend. period.


In that best friend, this needs to be applicable;

"A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view. "

That one kind of speaks for itself.


Ultimately this is what I long for...

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

That in itself speaks to me. I long for a relationship with my saviour so that all of my other relationships can be like his. None will ever be as amazing as his relationship but one day, I know that God will put someone in my life that is exactly what I need. I may have high standards, but I'm not lowering them so that I can end up with someone that God didn't intend me to. I'm waiting patiently, cause love is patient, remember? It isn't always easy, its not supposed to be but it is do-able.


 Once I stop looking...

"Some of the greater things in life are unseen thats why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream... "

-Marisa Lynn

...Spring Sing & things...

Oh yes, its time already.

I'm a director this year and its  a really scary thought. But thankfully we have a new system, so I'm really only a director over certain things. My specialty... Costumes and props. I'm really excited. I'm working with Spence so that should be fun! I'm not sure what to expect this year, well I mean, I expect greatness! :P But seriously, all of the directors are great this year and I know that we are all going to work so well together! I'm really excited!

Last Wednesday we got together and talked  about ideas. Just throwing around expectations for the year and what the plan for everything is. We have set in place self imposed deadlines. I've got so much going on, maybe I need to do that with everything that I do! :D I probably should. But there is just so much to organize and I'm still hurting because of my STUPID sciatic nerve. I can't even drive myself to school tomorrow. I'm at the mercy of other people. *sigh* something that I am not going to be very good at. I just pray that I can make it all the way to four o'clock without totally wanting to die. I'm going to be totally exhausted tomorrow night, I know that much.

On Saturday, September 11, my club is taking a trip to Petite Jean. I was actually going to go and now I can't. I'm really bummed. I wanted to. :( *sigh* But God is teaching me through this pain that I really have needed to slow down lately. Its not been easy, but I haven't had a choice since Wednesday. I will survive and be more thankful than ever for a fully functioning body once it returns to normal!

I'm basically just writing down random thoughts, so sorry if these posts bore you!! This isn't like a typical post. I'm not always full of great knowledge. ;) In fact, I rarely am. haha!

-In Christ,
  ~Marisa Lynn

Pain and Endurance

Boy, am I being taught a lesson today. Pain is the game. Tolerance is the strategy. There are no winners.

Tuesday around four o'clock I was at Big Lots buying some of the last of my furniture. I go to pick up a rather heavy box to "toss" it in my cart. There is a twinge in my lower back. Right there I write it off, after all I had been moving a lot of things up my stairs moving in this month, back must be a little tired. I come home and sit down and before I know it I can hardly move. Managed to get to class that night, sitting through a two and a half hour class never seemed so LONG as it did last night. Pain and Endurance... Pain and Endurance... Pain. Wins.

I get home Tuesday night and I'm exhausted from fighting the pain but the pain is keeping me awake.

"Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[a] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we^[b] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Trying to find comfort in that. Pain and Endurance... Pain and Endurance... Pain is still winning.

Woke up this morning, Wednesday and I was determined to get to my classes. Epic. Fail. I ended up spending an hour and a half on the floor because I was panicking and in pain. I managed to e-mail all of my professors and get that all sorted out and made a doctors appointment. *sigh* Finally got meds... oh sweet meds. Pain and Endurance... Pain and Endurance... Endurance (finally) wins!!!! :D

I'm not feeling great but I'm not writhing in pain anymore. lol
Time to take a break from worrying about pain...

This post wasn't too fun. haha! Pain and Endurance, if you made it to the end!

-In Christ,
  ~ML

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us---whatever we ask---we know that we have what we asked of him. 1st John 5:14-15

Prayer

This summer I have grown to love prayers. I will admit, at one time it was so hard for me to pray. Some prayers are so long that sometimes I will forget that we are praying. Its awful, I know but it happens. I'm sure if you are honest with yourself, you'll admit that you have done it too.

Sometimes praying is so hard because we do not see the direct answer to our prayer or we don't see the answer that we are expecting. We can't always get what we want. (thats a good song. :D) And that leads me to the verse that is above. If we are approaching God with confidence, anything that we ask for that is according to his will, its ours. ANYTHING! Thats amazing! The hard part is getting aligned with the according to his will part.

I have been reading a book called "The Christian Atheist" by Craig Groeschel. That is where a lot of this blog is drawing from. I'm just regurgetating some of his ideas, so if you've read his book or intend on reading it, this will sound familiar.

Recently I've started praying that I pray with the right motives and that I pray about the things that are aligned with God's will. I don't want my prayers to be long and showy, I just want to talk to my creator. I want to spill my everything with him and I desire to come to him and receive a clean heart. So many times, though, I approach the throne thinking that my heart isn't clean enough. So, I turn away until I think I can get it clean enough to go before the throne. I must think highly of myself if I believe that I can clean my heart better then God can! We use this excuse often, maybe not exactly the way I describe, and we end up just waiting longer and longer because we think we need to fix ourselves and be good when we approach the throne of grace... "hello!! The throne of GRACE! We don't have to be perfect when we give everything up! Jesus came and gave his life for YOU, only he can make your heart clean. Stop trying, you can't do it." I have to remind myself of this so often.

I really recommend ready "The Christian Atheist" by Craig Groeschel. It's a real eye opener. I have realized that sometimes I live my life like a Christian Atheist. I'm striving to not live that way, but its hard not to fall backwards sometimes. One thing I've learned about prayer from this book though, was drawn straight from God himself,

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Psalm 34:15

I want my prayers to be powerful and effective, therefore I must become righteous and I must have faith. God responds to our faith. I want childlike faith. That is prayer.

-in Christ,
~ML

Walk By Faith, Even When You Cannot See

A women's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.

How true is this?! I desire to be like this so much. But how do I even begin to make this my life. I was thinking this morning about how I would need to balance things. But, I don't think that would be the solution. The true solution would be letting go of my heart, wrecklessly abandoning everything that I hold so tightly to, for example relationships, past sins, grudges and the list can go on... those are me specific. Now, when I say wrecklessly abandoning those things, I mean giving them to God in such a way that there is no way that I would even desire, even just a little bit, to take them back. Let go of things that I am holding onto so I can live the life that I have been given today. But where do I start?
I find comfort in these words and want to truly live them.

8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. 9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ.-Romans 8:8-9

I know that this isn't simple but I know that it is do-able. Sometimes, God may present me with something that seems like it is too much for me to handle and it may be but the great thing is that he is ALWAYS there beside me. All I have to do is turn to him. That is the biggest part, when in trouble or down or up or ANYTHING look to Christ for guidance.

15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.16Be joyful always; 17pray continually;18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.-1 Thessalonians 5:15-18

My prayer for this week is this,

14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out[a] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.-Philippians 2:14-16

Its truly amazing how far from all of this we can get when we get so wrapped up in this world. But we are commanded to live in and not of it. This summer, I have really started to live a life that God can boast about. I want him to be proud of everything that I do and the decisions that I make. I want to do everything for him, consulting him no matter what the circumstance may be. I do not always do the best at this job, but I'm trying! I don't want to forget what it feels like to have God be in control, it helps me to remember what its like without him in control and its NOT pretty!
I pray that someone out there can get something from this. This summer I am praying that I can learn to walk by faith, even when I cannot see. I'll leave you with a song:

Somewhere in the Middle
-Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle. With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is, But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Love you all,
-In Christ,
~Marisa

What a Life We Live!

It is June. June. What? It's June?!

I have to keep telling myself that. I cannot believe that 2010 is getting closer and closer to being halfway over. Unbelieveable.

This has been one of the most challenging years to date. I feel like I may say that every year for the rest of my life. God is teaching me new things all the time. I was in church on Sunday and this rang clear. Am I living this?

Matthew 5:13-16

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

If I have lost my saltiness, then what good am I? So, my prayer this week is that I am not forgetting the reason that I was placed on this earth. I am the light of the world, a city on a hill that cannot be hidden. Who am I to think that God cannot overcome my most trying circumstances? He can and he already has! I just keep forgetting because I am human and I am so very flawed. I am SO thankful that Jesus came to wash away all that I have royally messed up! I cannot imagine a world without mercy, forgiveness, love and grace! No grace?! Its a scary thought!

The Lord is conquering so many demons around me. One thing that I struggle with on a daily basis is judgment. While I do not wish to be judged by anyone because no one knows the struggles that I deal with, whether it be my weight, my relationship decisions, my financial situation, my school decisions, in the same way people do not need me to judge them on the very things that I pray so desperately that people do not judge me for! I do not know why it has been a struggle for me, but its a demon I fight every day. Some days are better than others and the Lord is teaching me. Time, it takes time.

Forgiving myself for past mistakes is also something that I struggle with. Sometimes I just can't understand why such a great God would even start to forgive all of the wrong that I have done against him! I am so undeserving! That is the point, though! Even though I do not deserve the love and mercy that I receive on a daily basis, I still get it! I don't have to understand it, it isn't going to change the fact that my God still loves me, everyday. Thank you, Lord! Help me to remember that, always.

The summer has begin and its going to be fraught with a whole new set of challenges. Adjust to friendships that at one point I thought God had led out of my life. Prayer works. I never stopped praying that if those people were meant to make an impact in my life, meant to stay there for a long, what was best for my faith, that the Lord would use them to teach me. There have been struggles but we are fighting through them. Every relationship struggles. Every relationship is flawed, that is the beauty of it all. We have to work at it. We love. We forgive. We're thankful.

This is my prayer:

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:3

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far!

-ML